If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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