We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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