i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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