Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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