Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
