I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You left your phone here
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