I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
