Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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