How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
