apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
