nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
