If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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