Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
