The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
