i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize