Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
