We're like a lot better than the average bears
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Never underestimate the power of titties
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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