man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
