Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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