he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
