apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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