you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
