Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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