Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
