How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize