I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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