im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize