If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
