i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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