We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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