it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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