im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
People in love make me want to vomit
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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