She said her name was "party"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize