You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
