I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize