You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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