My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize