it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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