I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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