i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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