Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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