did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
