The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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