every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
