And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
