She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Michael Bay diarrhea
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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