babies were throwing up all over the place
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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