dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
