if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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