yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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