My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize