so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
