At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
