btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
