I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
