Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
