Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize