Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
