I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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