So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
