You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
