My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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