the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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