My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
