Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
