My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
