did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
