All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
