I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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