I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
