$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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